Thursday, March 22, 2012

Getting personal

I'm not a writer. Nor am I a very good one. Given this information, please excuse my random post rant.

Recently I've been on the verge of giving up. Giving up finding a job (among many other things). Yes, I still do interviews but I'm really thinking my skills need some brushing up. Not sure how to go about doing that, but at any rate they could use some dusting off. I have always had a job, since I was 14 years old cashiering for Joe O'Malia's Supermarket.

Good ol' Joe's. Great local grocery chain and such a fun time in my life.

Now it's vital to our family, our survival and for the sake of our savings account that I find a job. And soon.

As some of you know, I left a well-paying job in July of 2010; just before Cam was conceived. Mistake number one? Leaving the job. Letting the stress get to me. I used to be very sensitive to stress and things going on around me.

I'm a changed person now. Camden, he has changed my every thought. He has made me a better person. (Not to mention I cuss less. Hey, you gotta start somewhere.)

Because of that beautiful, sweet, innocent little baby of mine, I've chosen to do what is necessary. If that means going back to work after we thought I could be a stay-at-home-mom, then that's what it means. I'll do anything for that kid! Now people say that all the time, but I would give him all of my organs if it would save his life.

As I cry thinking of something so horrific..

It pains me to see us struggling. It pains me to feel this way. I just want to be free from all hate, all evil, and all negativity. Unfortunately there's no such place (on Earth anyways) that exists. Trust me when I say that if it did, I'd be in the car on my way right.this.moment.

Sometimes I feel like just running away from everything. Selling our house, furniture and everything we own and just moving my family to the Caribbean or some exotic place where we could be around sunshine, positivity, and less civilization (and not to mention, a beach for crying out loud). Although nice in theory and somewhat doable, I know I'd miss this place. This is my home and I've called it that for 28 (seemingly long) years.

Well folks, I've found a new sense of being and who I am recently. I feel like this is the start of something wonderful and we'll see where it leads me. I apologize if this was random, confusing or whatever it was but I had to get some thoughts off of my chest. Not too many people to talk to since Cam takes up 210% of my time. :) In a good way.