When it rains, it pours .. and blizzards .. and floods .. and sleets ..

Lately I've been feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm so tired.

As I mentioned in the last post, our water heater took a hike. I still remember hearing the sound of the garbage men loading it onto the truck from the hot, steaming shower I was taking (and had been deprived of for so long, apparently). 

As I was driving Brad's truck home today it decided to give me an error message it's never done before. "Check charging system." Remember the red ring of death (X-Box reference)? Yup, this is your car's version of that. Okay, maybe I'm being overly dramatic, but it still means that the guy at Auto Zone said we need a new alternator and my dad wants us to stop driving it ASAP.  

Fun Fact of the Day: We just paid thousands to have the transmission rebuilt, too.

Some days I feel like I'm barely surviving. You know when you buy a new house and things are pretty much all in working order? (I mean, you had an inspection and made them fix it, right?!) Then stuff breaks or wears out. You don't have time to re-stain the fence. Or the money to tune up the furnace. Or pull that tree the storm took out. Or remember to get your oil change you don't have time to wait on. The "To Do" list continues to grow exponentially. It just all happens at once. 

I barely have two weeks left of school and I seem to be working a ton, Brad just had surgery today, Cam is sick and running a fever (so day care won't take him), and I've hardly touched my study material. It all happens at once. 

I feel like I'm barely surviving and not because I'm not trying, but because I feel like I've taken on too much. Sometimes I think it's because I expect too much of myself. I want to be with Camden all the time. I need to study every hour of the day I'm not working. I feel such guilt whenever I want to spend an hour or two cuddling my baby watching a movie instead of studying; but then I feel guilty studying and not being with him. I have guilt because I'm so exhausted at the end of the day I'd rather throw my contacts away than put them in a contact case and I'm too lazy to take my bra off. (Under-wire's hurt, guys.) Then again, I have guilt for sleeping only 4 hours a night and not respecting myself enough to get adequate sleep; or nutrition; or water. 

This isn't the way I wanted to lose weight.

I do thank God for my health and family. I know that just about everything I am stressed about, I brought upon myself. I didn't purposely break the water heater or Brad's truck, but I did choose this career path. I can't choose what happens to me next in life, but I can certainly choose how I react to it.  

I need to learn to live in the now. I can't dwell on the bad test grade I got; only learn from it and move on. What would it change if I got upset and moped over a bad grade, horrible clinical instructor, didactic professor that ignores my emails, and coworkers that insult me? Nothing. That's exactly what it would change. So that's exactly what it should mean to me.

Nothing that happens to you is worth your life. Make your life matter. Make it better.

Instagram Summary

The past few weeks has been a whirlwind of craziness, stress, changes, home repairs, work insanity, and lots of excitement about the upcoming holidays (not so much about the weather). Here is a look at my iPhone pics and Instagram (Indymamma) photos that I love.

1. Wish list item: Matrix Exquisite hair oil to tame this mess without having to pull it back in a ponytail ALL.THE.TIME.

2. Papaw came to visit (and fix the water heater that was leaking). Camden had TONS of fun with him!

3. Water heater broke out of the blue (or we just realized it) and was leaking underneath the wood laminate floors. We dried them out and replaced but will tile before the end of the year. (Gotta find some money and motivation.) We also unfortunately found existing, old white tile underneath. Who does that?!

4. My baby loves to go to Target!

5. So this Pinterest felt tree idea has taken off and Target has noticed. I made one last year out of leftover felt and bought a giant piece of green for the tree. I still think (read: hope) I spent less than $10. Regardless, it's a great deal.

6. Who knew they had FREE KIDS COOKIE SAMPLES at Target? I mean, I feel like I was depriving my child.

7. The toddler bed transition is going well. Hah. (He actually does really well, but he woke up early and climbed up here but fell asleep.)

8. Wish list item: EOS lip balm. Gotta try it. It's all the rage, apparently. Even my 75-year-old patient the other day had some. If that doesn't make one feel old (and behind the times), nothing will.

9. First snow of the season. Camden and all his school friends were raving about it that day. He loved to play in it, but sadly it was melted by the time he got home.

A ghost says BOOOO

Halloween night this year was "rained out" and postponed due to strong winds and heavy rain. Unfortunately I wasn't able to go trick-or-treating with Camden this year because of that. I worked really hard to be available from clinical and work on Halloween night, but was scheduled to work the next day. Thus my disappointment in the postponed trick-or-treating.

Several local mascots came to visit the kiddo's on Halloween!

On Halloween I had my pediatric clinical and someone coordinated about 8 mascots to come visit the sick kids in the hospital that day. Some students in the past have gotten to meet Peyton Manning (which would also be SO awesome, hint hint).

Around Halloween a local senior community hosts an indoor Halloween trick-or-treating event. The residents can sit in their doorway and the kids run up and down the halls trick-or-treating. They also sit in the dining area and serve cookies, fruit punch, snacks, and more. I am not sure if they had it this year, but last year they had a craft station and arts area where kids could make a drawing, too. 

Camden had a lot of fun. (Even if it did take him the entire hour and a half we were there to trick or treat on his own.) He was a little scared to go near the strangers at first but when he saw they had candy and other goodies he started warming up.

On Halloween night (the postponed version .. bah humbug) Brad took Camden out to trick-or-treat. I think that he did better there because it was in our neighborhood he's familiar with and he knew some other people. He likes doing whatever the big kids are doing.

I guess he caught on quickly and went house-to-house saying "Trick or Treat" and greeting our trick-or-treater's later in the night with a "Happy Ha-ween!"  He absolutely loved dressing up as Mickey Mouse and totally understood the costume idea. He liked all the pretty princesses in sparkly dresses and also saw a spider girl!

Mom and dad like the raiding the candy bucket at the end of the night part. ;)

The rest of the year should be fairly low-key since I'm on call at work for Thanksgiving and Christmas is always at home. I can't wait until I get an entire month off of school in December! We haven't had a break since spring break in March. 

Literally nonstop. 

I'm thinking a mini-vacation is in order. Maybe for spring break? Yes, please!