Getting personal

I'm not a writer. Nor am I a very good one. Given this information, please excuse my random post rant.

Recently I've been on the verge of giving up. Giving up finding a job (among many other things). Yes, I still do interviews but I'm really thinking my skills need some brushing up. Not sure how to go about doing that, but at any rate they could use some dusting off. I have always had a job, since I was 14 years old cashiering for Joe O'Malia's Supermarket.

Good ol' Joe's. Great local grocery chain and such a fun time in my life.

Now it's vital to our family, our survival and for the sake of our savings account that I find a job. And soon.

As some of you know, I left a well-paying job in July of 2010; just before Cam was conceived. Mistake number one? Leaving the job. Letting the stress get to me. I used to be very sensitive to stress and things going on around me.

I'm a changed person now. Camden, he has changed my every thought. He has made me a better person. (Not to mention I cuss less. Hey, you gotta start somewhere.)

Because of that beautiful, sweet, innocent little baby of mine, I've chosen to do what is necessary. If that means going back to work after we thought I could be a stay-at-home-mom, then that's what it means. I'll do anything for that kid! Now people say that all the time, but I would give him all of my organs if it would save his life.

As I cry thinking of something so horrific..

It pains me to see us struggling. It pains me to feel this way. I just want to be free from all hate, all evil, and all negativity. Unfortunately there's no such place (on Earth anyways) that exists. Trust me when I say that if it did, I'd be in the car on my way right.this.moment.

Sometimes I feel like just running away from everything. Selling our house, furniture and everything we own and just moving my family to the Caribbean or some exotic place where we could be around sunshine, positivity, and less civilization (and not to mention, a beach for crying out loud). Although nice in theory and somewhat doable, I know I'd miss this place. This is my home and I've called it that for 28 (seemingly long) years.

Well folks, I've found a new sense of being and who I am recently. I feel like this is the start of something wonderful and we'll see where it leads me. I apologize if this was random, confusing or whatever it was but I had to get some thoughts off of my chest. Not too many people to talk to since Cam takes up 210% of my time. :) In a good way.



Camden updates

Someone got an adorable robe in the mail from one of his (three) grandma's...

Mommy's cute little puppy!

And it's all business in the exersaucer..

He's actually starting to stand up in it, which is so incredibly awesome!

Oh and I almost forgot to mention that I am now officially a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM)!! YAY! I took a position with a company I saw a lot of promise in and the job itself didn't work out. I do still work an occasional weekend day here and there at the hospital. I love that job and am not leaving it any time soon. I'll go into more detail about the old job soon.

New Job

I've been very actively applying and interviewing for any and all kinds of jobs since last summer (2010)when I left my going-nowhere job as a telephonic health coach. Just recently have I actually had interviews that went really well and I received a job offer from one particular company. I'm very proud to announce that I'll be employed full-time starting October 24th.

If you're doing your math correctly, you know that is just one week away. It's short notice, yes, but I am eager to start although saddened that I don't get to see my sweet baby all day, every day. I really wish one of my parents or someone close to me was retired and/or wanted to watch him for us. Day care isn't something either of us are looking forward to, but it should be good for him to interact with other babies. He's so interested in them right now whenever we go to the support group.

I don't know my orientation schedule, normal working hours or even when I'm actually going to start since my first day is at the corporate office. When I know more, I will explain, but until then I'm enjoying what little time I have left with my sweet baby.

Also, I still work PRN at my hospital job and I work the last two Sundays in October so I'll be working 6 days a week for a little while. Two days a month doesn't seem like a lot until you get a 5-day-a-week job and then it feels like you never get a weekend off.

My biggest concern with going back to work is that we'll have to revert to formula, which has been my fear all along. Well, I wouldn't call it a fear so much as a disappointment (if it were to happen). I got some great advice at group today from the lactation consultant on how to pump and keep my supply ample. Plus I have a great friend that exclusively pumped for most of her daughter's first year so I know she is a fantastic resource too!

I am so very excited for my new position and can't wait to get back into the working world (ah hem .. and have Christmas money). This will be such a hard transition, though, not being able to see my sweet baby every day like I do now. In the end it will be good for both of us to have some "social" time I guess. We'll see..